|PSIPOOK | spleen|
On the day that Makka is chosen to perform at the Superbowl, can it be a coincidence that we discover he has an uncanny resemblence to Davros, creator of the Daleks?
Do we need to be told?
Nov. 22, '04
Osama bin Laden endorses Bush
Polls today show that undecided voters are inclining to Bush.
This could mean that Bush, if he wins, will be able to say he is the first and only president to be put into power because of the word of an evildoer.
He will be able to add this accolade to all his others — the first president to not be elected to office, for example.
Meanwhile Tom Ridge has expressed confidence that ObL will not attack on election day. Why is he so confident? Is it because he is pulling ObL's strings?
Oct. 31, 2004
Satan appears to US voters
'I shall smite you a lot,' he said. 'And then I will smite you some more. Just see if I don't,' he added.
The Horned One's sudden appearance on America's TV screens came just milliseconds before the US general erection.
'And I am not just threatening to smite you to scare you into voting for George,' Lucifer was careful to point out. 'Even though our dads are chums'.
Evil Incarnate looked dapper and relaxed as he told viewers, 'And no, there's nothing the least bit odd about me popping up on prime time just before the election to deliver a scary message.This just happens to be my day for popping up with a scary message.'
As for his reasons for smiting lots of Americans, he was not specific. 'It is not because I hate freedom. In fact I have lots of freedom because no one has managed to catch me, and I rather enjoy it. Actually, I am going to smite you, er ... for the usual reasons. You know. Whatever the reason was last time. Because Dick and Carl asked me to.
'So, you can vote for anyone you like, but woe betide you if you get it wrong, because the smiting will be truly awful. Just see if it isn't.'
October 29, 2004
Nothing new on Psipook
"Nothing new has been posted on Psipook since October 16, 1771", said a UN expert inspector person.
"This is because nothing new has been posted on Psipook since October 16, 1771", explained Psipook supremo Psilocybe P Pook.
A man in the street observed that nothing new has been posted on Psipook since October 16, 177, and added, "Not that I give a tinker's."
Ocotover 24, 20000004, World Hangover Day
Happy bithrday for yesterday, Willll.
Witless in Gaza
At the same time, an Israeli officer accused of firing repeatedly into the corpse of a Palestinian girl has been cleared by the army of 'unethical conduct'.
He remains suspended from duty because of problems getting along with colleagues.
October 16, 2004
A database of Iraqi civilian casualties (click). Names to faces ... I hope the supporters of the war feel proud of themselves.And just another quick reminder for those of you who haven't got it yet: no WMD, no al Qaida. Just what did all these people die for? And hands up all those who are going to vote Bush or Blair in the upcoming elections. Hands up all those who think they should be banged up for crimes against humanity ... for that database, click here.
June 25, 2004
Bush Permitted 9/ll
We link here to an article by Michael Meacher, a British politician and former member of the Blair cabinet who has joined some of the dots regarding Bush's deed.
Tessa Hewitt apologises for
Iraq intelligence errors
So those tens of thousands of people died by mistake. Well, that's all right then, at least there was nothing malicious in the killing.
And, thankfully, the oil is safe.
Oct. 08, 2004
Man who used to play banjo brings terror to America
Oct. 3, 2004
What is interesting about this new campaign is the military spokesman coming up with a new instance of calling black white and vice versa.
According to the BBC, the US military said the offensive was in response to what it called "repeated and unprovoked attacks by anti-Iraqi forces" and went on to explain that the assault aimed "to facilitate orderly government processes, kill or capture anti-Iraqi forces, and set the conditions to proceed with infrastructure and quality of life improvements for the people of Samarra".
So the Iraqi resistance to foreign occupation is "anti-Iraqi". How did they figure that one out?
Well, they know well enough what the real situation is, but by twisting language, they hope to obscure the truth.
Well, try this out. If the Iraqi resistance to foreign invasion is anti-Iraqi, then the invading US military must be anti-American.
So the anti-Iraqi forces must be pro-American, and the Americans, being anti-American must be pro-Saddam, pro-al Zarqawi and pro-al Sadr, and Mr. Bush has made it quite clear that if you ain't for us you are against us, so the Iraqi militias are in fact doing the will of the White House in ridding the planet of terrorists.
It's all clear now.
October 1, 2004
Shoot the neighbours
That was sick world feeling number one.
Sick world feeling number two: the BBC, to help its non gun-toting readers along, listed three typical assault weapons — the AK47, the Uzi and something called an AR15, which was described as a civilian version of the military M16.
A civilian version of an M16?
What civilian application can there be of a weapon that fires 1000 rounds per minute, is deadly at ranges over a kilometre and whose bullets can penetrate house walls?
"Then maybe later I'll put up that book shelf in the den."
"Make sure you shoot it after. You know you sometimes forget."
"Hey, how about we get the neighbours round tonight for a cook out?"
"And then we can have a nice shoot out together. Sounds blissy."
"Say, did you feed the dog?"
"No, but I did shoot it."
"Well, that should keep him happy a while."
Guns don't kill people. Idiots with guns kill people.
September 14, 2004
Dry aside: thank God the Olympics are over for another four years.
Fear of cancer.
Complete failure of imagination.
Why does America suddenly
care about Sudan?
A Modest Proposal
Land of the brave and the free tits
Japan's slow rush to
Article by Michael Penn, The University of Kitakyushu, as posted on Doug Carmichael's Roughcut. Click here to see the story in a new window.
More thanks to Jerry Gordon for pointing this
US Govt. is set to reinstate
Global Intelligence Failure
According to the US senate investigation into the case for the Iraq war, there was a "global intelligence failure".
Yes, indeed there was. Lots of people all over the world were stupid enough to believe the bullshit of Bush, Blair and their gang.
Why tyrants rule Arabs
This image proudly adorns the front page of a US conservative web site — ArmchairWarrior — that claims to be putting an end to thinking everywhere.
Very clever sign, this. It has me questioning my liberal beliefs. All I ever thought about war was wrong. Jeez, I think I'll just go kill me a foreigner.
No, wait, a slight flashback to reality.
Now, let's ignore the mixed up lower and upper case in the writing.
War has ended slavery? A war made the US South give up slavery.
Slavery still exists. It is very much an underground business these days, not an institutionalised one as it used to be. All sorts of people all over the world are daily sold into slavery. Read the newspapers. So war hasn't put an end to that.
War has ended fascism? Where? It thrives on ArmchairWarrior and in lots of places around the world. You've got the KKK and dozens of American white supremacy groups. Even liberal, pinko Europe has fascists: the British National Party and the French National Front. So the claim to have put and end to fascism is not a runner.
Nazism? Well, the Nazis were the German National Socialist Party. Yes, war put an end to them. But they were fascists — see above. And there are still plenty of Nazi wannabes around.
Now here's the big hokey one. War put an end to communism? Where? The Korean war was fought against communism and that one was a draw. Vietnam was a war against communism and the US lost that one.
Russia gave up communism. But war didn't do that. Gorbachev's reforms did that. China nor Cuba nor North Korea have renounced communism. So communism is not ended.
My mate Fred is still a communist, and no one has waged war on him at all.
So, er, nice sign. I like the colours. And by the way, you have mixed upper and lower case.
June 11, 2005
I quite agree
Ralph Nader called for the impeachment of George W. Bush based on reports of the Bush Administration "fixing" the intelligence over Iraq. John Kerry wondered why the intelligence-fixing, which came to light in a leaked British memo, has received so little attention in the United States. "Is there a way for this to break through," he asked, "ever?"
Well, Ralph, It simply isn't a just world, and Bush and the neocons and the neoclones like Tory Blair are simply making sure it stays that way.
June 9, 2005
Not to be out done by his alter-ego in Baghdad, George Bush held a press conference in his underpants. He later appeared at an official function in a spare pair of Saddam's underpants.
"These are liberated underpants," he told a packed audience, some of whom may have been wearing something under their tuxedos.
"The fact that I can stand before you today in a pair of liberated, ex-tyranical underpants demonstrates this great nation's love of liberating underpants. Wherever there are underpants living in darkness, you will find us invading."
The UK was rocked by revelations that Tory Blair had been in everyone's underpants at one time or another. Sometimes more than one pair at a time.
A leaky underpants report from the CIA revealed that the agency was working on a pair of exploding underpants to infiltrate into Osama bin Laden's trousers.
Ayatollah Thingywotsisname of Iran declared a fatwah on underpants.
Hugh Hefalump of the porn magazine Playwithyourselfboy has reportedly offered Saddam millions of dollars to appear as a centrefold.
Graham Dudinthewaterman, the mismanaging editor of the Sun, the paper that published the first underpants pictures, told reporters "The fact that Saddam is wearing underpants demonstrates what a threat he is to humanity in general. I mean, it proves what we have been saying all along, which is Saddam is like Hitler, Pol Pot, cancer, Genghis Khan, Attila the Hun, smallpox, Mao, Ebola virus, Stalin and George Bush all rolled into one. It shows the Sun was right to invade Iraq, if only to put a stop to these underpants."
Just about teatime Donald Rumsfeld was seen with a pair of underpants on his head sparking intense speculation that he may have a pair of underpants on his head.
Saddam meanwhile remained aloof, only moving to sue the manufacturers of his underpants for not providing them with Sunblock.
May 21, 2005
This one was delivered in a press conference response to Amnesty International's recent criticism of the US for setting back the cause of human rights and for calling the US political prison in Guantanamo 'a Gulag of our time'
Bush responded that the allegations stemmed from "people who hate America, people that have been trained in some instances to disassemble, that means not tell the truth".
Bush highlights the error by explaining to people what the word should have meant had he not got it completely wrong.
Perhaps one of his rich friends could buy him a dictionary so that he can sort out the difference between 'disassemble' and 'dissemble'.
Though to be fair, we should not mock the afflicted. Such linguistic and conceptual mistakes crop up so often in the president's discourse that he is obviously suffering some kind of aphasia, drug addiction or other mental problem.
For example, he was unable to tell the difference between the two propositions 'there are WMD in Iraq' and 'there are no WMD in Iraq.' Poor soul.
Another manifestation of the same disability crops up in the same quote. 'People who hate America, people who have been trained [to not tell the truth]'.
He is talking about Amnesty International. Amnesty hate America? They have been trained to lie? Why do they hate America? Are there no Americans in Amnestry? By whom have they been trained to lie and to what end? If Amnesty lie, are they lying in their condemnations of China and Noth Korea and the other human rights abusers? If everythiing Amnesty says is a lie, then there is no oppression in the world. If no one is oppressed who is Bush liberating? Are Amnesty agents of Al Qaida, the original America haters? How can one sentence cause such a logical wobble? Is Bush endlessly repeating key phrases until people mistake them for meaning something?
It seems that poor old Mr. Cheney is suffering the same aphasia because, speaking of the same Amnesty report, he told the world "I think the fact of the matter is the United States has done more to advance the cause of freedom, has liberated more people from tyranny over the course of the 20th century and up to the present day than any other nation in the history of the world".
Apart from the fact that he forgot to mention the nation's recent sterling work in liberating underpants, he seems to be blind to certain facts of American history.
Firstly, the US only 'liberates' when it is in its own interests.
During the Second World War the US public was opposed to defending liberty in Europe, even when Britain was the last country standing. In fact, US companies happily went on doing business with Nazi Germany right up until Pearl Harbour. It was in this time that Coca Cola invented Fanta at the request of the Nazis who wanted their own Coca Cola-type drink.
A bit later in the Vientnam war, the US encouraged the rise to power of Pol Pot because they knew he would not tolerate Vietnamese bases in Cambodia. Pol Pot went on to murder two million Cambodians and drag the nation back to the stone age. When Pol Pot was finally kicked out of Cambodia by the Vietnamese army, the US upped their support and funded his organisation to the tune of 80 million dollars through the 1980s.
Then there was the CIA sponsored a coup in Chile that replaced a democratically elected government with a brutal military dictatorship. The elected president Salvador Allende was shot and killed, and during the reign of dictator General Pinochet thousands of people were wrongfully incarcerated or murdered by the government.
The US trains death squads and torturers on its own soil that have been active in Central and South America. El Salvador, anyone? Nicaragua? Honduras? Guatemala?
More recently the US has been courting President Karimov of Uzbekistan, a wannabe Stalinist who rules without elections or regard for human rights and who has a nasty habit of boiling alive his critics. In return the US gets the use of a big military base from which to project its power into oil and gas-rich Central Asia.
Then another time, the US, and Donald Rumsfeld in particular, had this big friend. What was his name? Osama bin Laden? No, he was a friend, but I am thinking of Saddam Hussein. You may remember him. While brutally oppressing his own people, the US and various European friends saw to it that he acquired deadly gases to use in his war against Iran. The US didn't like Iran, they wanted to see the country weakened. As it happened Saddam used the gases on civilian Kurds within his own borders.Thousands were killed, but the US didn't seem to mind too much and remained good friends until he invaded Kuwait.
I have here only scratched the surface of things the US has done and continues to do against the interests of democracy and stability and the rest of it.I could go on all night, but I think you have probably got the idea now.
So who has been liberated? Am I now struck by aphasia, or is there really no one to speak of?
June 1, 2005
The additional story
A father becomes infatuated with a bare-breasted schoolgirl and then has his life turned upside down in a manner that he didn't anticipate.
May 15, 2005
New Poem: Underpants and Teeth
May 15, 2005
Party win UK election
Faced with a choice between a bunch of warmongers, the Tories, who will steal from grannies, and a bunch of warmongers, New Labour, who will give grannies whole crumbs from their tables, the electorate held its collective nose and chose the latter.
There was one party claiming to not be warmongers, but they don't know what grannies are and lost by default.
See major yawns for full election details.
May 6, 2005
US must reform or die, says Rice
head of World Bank
Mar 23, 2005
Bush intervenes to save life of woman on feeding
Odd that the same views did not extend to the Afghan and Iraqi people killed in his onslaught to grab their resources. Perhaps this ethic only extends to individuals suffering brain damage and not to the able bodied.
Mar 21, 2005
Should Syria withdraw its 14,000 troops from Lebanon?
Mar 18, 2005
The gun is innocent
NSPA supremo Charlton Bullethead angrily denounced police reports of the shooting as biased and slanted.
"The gun did not kill anyone. A person killed the people. The gun has been set up."
Mr. Bullethead, speaking from a concrete bunker in an undisclosed location surrounded by trip wires and mines, went on to say that guns are completely safe. "I've had dozens of guns in my closet for years and not one has walked out and shot anyone."
He then went on to criticise the way the police were handling the case. "There is no proof that the perpetrator used a gun to shoot these people. This is irresponsible hearsay that comes only from the coincidence that the dead and injured had bullets in their bodies.
"We have a witness who was only a few hundreds of miles away at the time, who states clearly that he saw the killer inserting bullets into his victims with a spoon. We would like to see Mr. Bush's pinko-lefty government making laws to require background checks on spoon buyers, rather than harrassing innocent gun owners."
Stressing the compassionate nature of his organisation, Mr. Bullethead offered a hand of help in the crisis.
"We will take care of the gun. Obviously it is an innocent that has been caught up in these events and we can offer it a place in our special home for abused guns where it will be sheltered from psychopathic gun haters."
In a parallel statement Charles Eating-Utensil, who is chairman of the National Spoon Association, stated that if all the guests had been carrying spoons at the time, they would have been able to spoon bullets into the assailant before he did any damage.
George Bush, pinko-lefty president of the US, stated that if the hotel guests had followed his principles of pre-emption, they would have spooned the killer before he even got into the hotel.
March 13, 2005
Buckets of money
We are now getting so many visitors, that the time has come to consider going commercial. Hear that clinking, clanking, clunking sound? Yes, it is the sound of Psilocybe P Pook (No Relation) catching his balls in the cash register. If translated into English, the sound would say: "Sell out! Sell out! Sell out! Sell out!"
And quite right too. Where are Lord Pook's psi-principles?
Going commercial is going to mean, at some point, playing footsie with American businesses. How is His Ineluctableness the Supreme Pook going to reconcile that with his site's boycott America stance? If you can think of a way, please let us know.
Meantime, next time you drop in, bring your credit card.
Buckets and Kazoos
The revolution starts with a glass of sherry
A televisual fairyland
here to read the story in the Guardian
Fearful US TV networks censor more shows
here to read the story in the Guardian
Q: How do you spell 'scapegoat'?
We know that Bush and Rummy signed the papers opting out of the Geneva conventions, but the small guy gets shit on to protect the bosses.
Graner's conviction is political: it protects the people that created the conditions and the policies that made abuse in US prisons a policy; it creates the illusion that the US military cares about legality and morality. Graner goes to prison for following orders, the US public gets righteous satisfaction, the myth that Abu Ghraib was an aberration is cemented, the injustice continues.
Jan. 16, 05
HOLD CONDOLEEZA RICE ACCOUNTABLE!
Senator Barbera Boxer is asking some hard questions and would like the support of all Americans who are concerned that Iraq was invaded on false pretences.
Petition deadline: January 18
Jan. 16, 2005
That's the last natural disaster I'm participating in.
— Colleague and survivor of the Asian tsunami
useless to attempt to reason a man out of what he was never reasoned
into." Jonathan Swift