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Baghdad Burning
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Contact Psipook

Flight 77
The Pentagon was not hit by an airliner on 11/9.
Click here to read more.


Sadman Hussein
Old news. Bogey Man captured by Superpowerman

The US has used napalm in Fallujah
Read about it here

Clueless old git to tap dance at Nuremburg Bowl
Today a clueless old git agreed to put on his dancing fool shoes and tap dance at a rally of some of the world's most vicious, brainless thugs.

Sir Macker was chosen ahead of much younger nipples to perform at the fascist bonding session in January.

Once upon a time Sir McObsequious turned down a gong because of a war but is now glad to warm up for the stormtroopers of the New Order.

More recently he declared before he knew what he was saying that custard bombs used by the coalition in Iraq were "a custardly weapon."

Now he is to entertain the National Union of Custard Bomb Throwers at their annual Super Custard Bowl gladatorial games and bloodlust convention.

Asked for comment, he told us, "I am dead chuffed as I have not a clue what I am doing."

Nov 22, '04

While I am sitting here playing with lemmings, some people are doing truly useful work.

The blog called Truth Diamond is a remarkable exercise in collecting information about the real agenda behind the fake War on Terror and the way certain corporations and governments are beating the world into their own image. Click here to read Truth Diamond.

There is more information at:

Karl Schwarz has close knowledge of the Bush regime and much of what is happening on Capitol Hill because he used to work with those guys. You can learn about his interpretation of events here:

And more ... Blood and oil in the Caspian:

Following the US general election, here's a picture of a lemming.

Lots of white space here. What shall we fill it with? — Ed.


Spleen Archive: January-June, 2005

Davros ... and McMakka

On the day that Makka is chosen to perform at the Superbowl, can it be a coincidence that we discover he has an uncanny resemblence to Davros, creator of the Daleks?

Do we need to be told?


Nov. 22, '04

Interesting tidbit.
Front page of the BBC online today (just before US election day) news that the tours of duty of thousands of US soldiers in Iraq are to be extended. This is a potential vote loser for Bush on the day before the election.
A quick survey of CNN, Fox, USA Today, NYT, and the Washington Post ... none of them mention it in any prominent place.
Update: now CBC is running the story of the tour extensions. Interesting to note that these soldiers will already have voted and that George bin Dubya has moved the goal posts.

Nov.2, 2004

Osama bin Laden endorses Bush
Bin Laden's sudden manifestation on the nation's airwaves seems to have done Bush a lot of good.

Polls today show that undecided voters are inclining to Bush.

This could mean that Bush, if he wins, will be able to say he is the first and only president to be put into power because of the word of an evildoer.

He will be able to add this accolade to all his others — the first president to not be elected to office, for example.

Meanwhile Tom Ridge has expressed confidence that ObL will not attack on election day. Why is he so confident? Is it because he is pulling ObL's strings?

Oct. 31, 2004

Satan appears to US voters
Today, Satan dramatically appeared to US voters threatening them with a great smiting.

'I shall smite you a lot,' he said. 'And then I will smite you some more. Just see if I don't,' he added.

The Horned One's sudden appearance on America's TV screens came just milliseconds before the US general erection.

'And I am not just threatening to smite you to scare you into voting for George,' Lucifer was careful to point out. 'Even though our dads are chums'.

Evil Incarnate looked dapper and relaxed as he told viewers, 'And no, there's nothing the least bit odd about me popping up on prime time just before the election to deliver a scary message.This just happens to be my day for popping up with a scary message.'

As for his reasons for smiting lots of Americans, he was not specific. 'It is not because I hate freedom. In fact I have lots of freedom because no one has managed to catch me, and I rather enjoy it. Actually, I am going to smite you, er ... for the usual reasons. You know. Whatever the reason was last time. Because Dick and Carl asked me to.

'So, you can vote for anyone you like, but woe betide you if you get it wrong, because the smiting will be truly awful. Just see if it isn't.'

October 29, 2004

Nothing new on Psipook
A team of experts has established that nothing new has been posted on Psipook since October 16, 1771.

"Nothing new has been posted on Psipook since October 16, 1771", said a UN expert inspector person.

"This is because nothing new has been posted on Psipook since October 16, 1771", explained Psipook supremo Psilocybe P Pook.

A man in the street observed that nothing new has been posted on Psipook since October 16, 177, and added, "Not that I give a tinker's."

Ocotover 24, 20000004, World Hangover Day

Happy bithrday for yesterday, Willll.

Witless in Gaza
The Israeli army has just withdrawn from Gaza after a 16 day operation that has left a hundred Palestinians dead — many of them civilians — and which has destroyed thousands of homes.

At the same time, an Israeli officer accused of firing repeatedly into the corpse of a Palestinian girl has been cleared by the army of 'unethical conduct'.

He remains suspended from duty because of problems getting along with colleagues.

October 16, 2004

A database of Iraqi civilian casualties (click). Names to faces ... I hope the supporters of the war feel proud of themselves.And just another quick reminder for those of you who haven't got it yet: no WMD, no al Qaida. Just what did all these people die for? And hands up all those who are going to vote Bush or Blair in the upcoming elections. Hands up all those who think they should be banged up for crimes against humanity ... for that database, click here.

June 25, 2004

Bush Permitted 9/ll
With that election coming, now is a good time to remember that Bush and his crew deliberately permitted the September 11 attacks to happen in order to kick start a new aggressive foreign policy.

We link here to an article by Michael Meacher, a British politician and former member of the Blair cabinet who has joined some of the dots regarding Bush's deed.

Tessa Hewitt apologises for Iraq intelligence errors
Blair concedes there may have been no Iraqi WMDs, US inspectors confirm same

So those tens of thousands of people died by mistake. Well, that's all right then, at least there was nothing malicious in the killing.

And, thankfully, the oil is safe.

Wrong intelligence

No intelligence

Oct. 08, 2004

Man who used to play banjo brings terror to America
A flight to the US was diverted in a security alert when crew realised one passenger was a man who used to play banjo.

A banjo

Fighter jets escorted the plane from US airspace to Canada where it could blow up or do anything, because it was Canada not America.

Frightened and bemused passengers and crew reported: “It was definitely a man that used to play the banjo. He had a beard and everything.”

A spokesman for the US Dept. of Homeland Insecurity, speaking on condition of anonymity because he did not know his own name, told reporters, “It was a really serious situation because he has a beard and he definitely used to play the banjo. If he had had the banjo with him at the time we would have had to shoot the plane down.”

US President George Bush commented, “That we had to divert this individual to Canada just shows how dangerous these ex-banjo players are. This shows the world how seriously they have to take us. Now just watch me pee straight.”

Oct. 3, 2004

Samarra Doublethink
Today, US forces are storming Samarra in Iraq. As usual they claim to be killing only Iraqi fighters while the hospitals fill up with dead and injured women and children. So far so normal.

What is interesting about this new campaign is the military spokesman coming up with a new instance of calling black white and vice versa.

According to the BBC, the US military said the offensive was in response to what it called "repeated and unprovoked attacks by anti-Iraqi forces" and went on to explain that the assault aimed "to facilitate orderly government processes, kill or capture anti-Iraqi forces, and set the conditions to proceed with infrastructure and quality of life improvements for the people of Samarra".

So the Iraqi resistance to foreign occupation is "anti-Iraqi". How did they figure that one out?

Well, they know well enough what the real situation is, but by twisting language, they hope to obscure the truth.

Well, try this out. If the Iraqi resistance to foreign invasion is anti-Iraqi, then the invading US military must be anti-American.

So the anti-Iraqi forces must be pro-American, and the Americans, being anti-American must be pro-Saddam, pro-al Zarqawi and pro-al Sadr, and Mr. Bush has made it quite clear that if you ain't for us you are against us, so the Iraqi militias are in fact doing the will of the White House in ridding the planet of terrorists.

It's all clear now.

October 1, 2004

Shoot the neighbours
This morning I had a pair of sick-world revelations.  
I was reading an online BBC report about how Clinton’s ban on the purchase of assault weapons is about to be repealed.


That was sick world feeling number one.

Sick world feeling number two: the BBC, to help its non gun-toting readers along, listed three typical assault weapons — the AK47, the Uzi and something called an AR15, which was described as a civilian version of the military M16.

A civilian version of an M16?

What civilian application can there be of a weapon that fires 1000 rounds per minute, is deadly at ranges over a kilometre and whose bullets can penetrate house walls?

AR15 Assault rifle

You can imagine the scene in American suburbs. The sun is shining, the butterflies are flapping in the garden. Hubby tells wife,"Hey, hon, I'm hefting my
AR15 so I’m just out to cut the grass. And then I’m going to shoot it. And then I’m going to shoot the flowers a while."

"OK, hon. I’ll be right here in the kitchen with my Uzi shooting the washing up."

"Then maybe later I'll put up that book shelf in the den."

"Make sure you shoot it after. You know you sometimes forget."

"Hey, how about we get the neighbours round tonight for a cook out?"

"And then we can have a nice shoot out together. Sounds blissy."

"Say, did you feed the dog?"

"No, but I did shoot it."

"Well, that should keep him happy a while."

Guns don't kill people. Idiots with guns kill people.

September 14, 2004

Startling Headline
Gripping story.

Dry aside: thank God the Olympics are over for another four years.

Spooky graphic.

Fear of cancer.

Hilarious conclusion.

Complete failure of imagination.

September 2004

Why does America suddenly care about Sudan?
George Bush's sudden compassion for the Darfur refugees may be a means of getting at Sudan's resources. Story by Psipook's Chris Page in the London News Review

August 2004

A Modest Proposal
Following the murder of yet another hostage in Iraq, Psilocybe P Pook (No Relation) has hit on a wizard wheeze to hasten the end of the US occupation he has been railing against for so long.

The plan is to recruit hordes of hostages direct from Europe and the United States.
They will be shipped directly to the Iraqi resistance for immediate decapitation.

We will take anyone, but family people, the young and the crippled or vulnerable will be preferred. Each will be supplied with an ultra-sharp halal blade for use in decapitation to save the resistance getting sore arms sharpening knives.

As the dead hostages pile up, the Western governments and people — especially the people who opposed the war — will see quite clearly how civilised are the folk resisting the occupation, and how deserving they are of our support. No doubt the Marines will hang their heads in shame, acknowledging the moral superiority of their foes and go home and George Bush will retire to a hermitage to figure out where he went wrong.

August 2004

Land of the brave and the free tits
While Iraqis are fighting for their country, US forces are fighting for breast enlargements. Benefits to veterans and the poor are being cut but, the US army's fighting men and women are offered free cosmetic surgery. Read the story here — will open in a new window.

Thanks to Jerry Gordon for forwarding this to me.

August 2004

Japan's slow rush to war
The very nation that wrote Japan's pacifist constitution is pushing the country to abandon its principles and support US military ambitions around the globe. The Japanese public as a whole is firmly against militarism, but when powerful forces seek change, the Japanese may not get a choice. This a story of cynical realpolitik

Article by Michael Penn, The University of Kitakyushu, as posted on Doug Carmichael's Roughcut. Click here to see the story in a new window.

More thanks to Jerry Gordon for pointing this story out.
August 2004

US Govt. is set to reinstate the draft
American kids may be forced to join the imperial legions through bills waiting to be presented to Congress.

Read about it here.

Global Intelligence Failure
According to the US senate investigation into the case for the Iraq war, there was a "global intelligence failure".

Yes, indeed there was. Lots of people all over the world were stupid enough to believe the bullshit of Bush, Blair and their gang.
July 2004

Why tyrants rule Arabs
For 60 years, the West has propped up Arab despots, creating poverty and illiteracy where education once thrived
Read the article here. It will open in a new window.
July 24, 2004

Conservative bollocks

This image proudly adorns the front page of a US conservative web site — ArmchairWarrior — that claims to be putting an end to thinking everywhere.

Very clever sign, this. It has me questioning my liberal beliefs. All I ever thought about war was wrong. Jeez, I think I'll just go kill me a foreigner.

No, wait, a slight flashback to reality.

Now, let's ignore the mixed up lower and upper case in the writing.

War has ended slavery? A war made the US South give up slavery.

Slavery still exists. It is very much an underground business these days, not an institutionalised one as it used to be. All sorts of people all over the world are daily sold into slavery. Read the newspapers. So war hasn't put an end to that.

War has ended fascism? Where? It thrives on ArmchairWarrior and in lots of places around the world. You've got the KKK and dozens of American white supremacy groups. Even liberal, pinko Europe has fascists: the British National Party and the French National Front. So the claim to have put and end to fascism is not a runner.

Nazism? Well, the Nazis were the German National Socialist Party. Yes, war put an end to them. But they were fascists — see above. And there are still plenty of Nazi wannabes around.

Now here's the big hokey one. War put an end to communism? Where? The Korean war was fought against communism and that one was a draw. Vietnam was a war against communism and the US lost that one.

Russia gave up communism. But war didn't do that. Gorbachev's reforms did that. China nor Cuba nor North Korea have renounced communism. So communism is not ended.

My mate Fred is still a communist, and no one has waged war on him at all.

So, er, nice sign. I like the colours. And by the way, you have mixed upper and lower case.

June 11, 2005

I quite agree
A snippet, culled without permission from this week's Harper's news review.

Ralph Nader called for the impeachment of George W. Bush based on reports of the Bush Administration "fixing" the intelligence over Iraq. John Kerry wondered why the intelligence-fixing, which came to light in a leaked British memo, has received so little attention in the United States. "Is there a way for this to break through," he asked, "ever?"

Well, Ralph, It simply isn't a just world, and Bush and the neocons and the neoclones like Tory Blair are simply making sure it stays that way.

June 9, 2005

Underpants ignite WWIII
Following the shock photos of Sadman Hussein in his Y-fronts, underpants have been flying out of closets all round the world.

Not to be out done by his alter-ego in Baghdad, George Bush held a press conference in his underpants. He later appeared at an official function in a spare pair of Saddam's underpants.

"These are liberated underpants," he told a packed audience, some of whom may have been wearing something under their tuxedos.

"The fact that I can stand before you today in a pair of liberated, ex-tyranical underpants demonstrates this great nation's love of liberating underpants. Wherever there are underpants living in darkness, you will find us invading."

The UK was rocked by revelations that Tory Blair had been in everyone's underpants at one time or another. Sometimes more than one pair at a time.

A leaky underpants report from the CIA revealed that the agency was working on a pair of exploding underpants to infiltrate into Osama bin Laden's trousers.

Ayatollah Thingywotsisname of Iran declared a fatwah on underpants.

Hugh Hefalump of the porn magazine Playwithyourselfboy has reportedly offered Saddam millions of dollars to appear as a centrefold.

Graham Dudinthewaterman, the mismanaging editor of the Sun, the paper that published the first underpants pictures, told reporters "The fact that Saddam is wearing underpants demonstrates what a threat he is to humanity in general. I mean, it proves what we have been saying all along, which is Saddam is like Hitler, Pol Pot, cancer, Genghis Khan, Attila the Hun, smallpox, Mao, Ebola virus, Stalin and George Bush all rolled into one. It shows the Sun was right to invade Iraq, if only to put a stop to these underpants."

Just about teatime Donald Rumsfeld was seen with a pair of underpants on his head sparking intense speculation that he may have a pair of underpants on his head.

Saddam meanwhile remained aloof, only moving to sue the manufacturers of his underpants for not providing them with Sunblock.

May 21, 2005

Bush bollocks
Another day, another Bushism.

This one was delivered in a press conference response to Amnesty International's recent criticism of the US for setting back the cause of human rights and for calling the US political prison in Guantanamo 'a Gulag of our time'

Bush responded that the allegations stemmed from "people who hate America, people that have been trained in some instances to disassemble, that means not tell the truth".

Bush highlights the error by explaining to people what the word should have meant had he not got it completely wrong.

Perhaps one of his rich friends could buy him a dictionary so that he can sort out the difference between 'disassemble' and 'dissemble'.

Though to be fair, we should not mock the afflicted. Such linguistic and conceptual mistakes crop up so often in the president's discourse that he is obviously suffering some kind of aphasia, drug addiction or other mental problem.

For example, he was unable to tell the difference between the two propositions 'there are WMD in Iraq' and 'there are no WMD in Iraq.' Poor soul.

Another manifestation of the same disability crops up in the same quote. 'People who hate America, people who have been trained [to not tell the truth]'.

He is talking about Amnesty International. Amnesty hate America? They have been trained to lie? Why do they hate America? Are there no Americans in Amnestry? By whom have they been trained to lie and to what end? If Amnesty lie, are they lying in their condemnations of China and Noth Korea and the other human rights abusers? If everythiing Amnesty says is a lie, then there is no oppression in the world. If no one is oppressed who is Bush liberating? Are Amnesty agents of Al Qaida, the original America haters? How can one sentence cause such a logical wobble? Is Bush endlessly repeating key phrases until people mistake them for meaning something?

It seems that poor old Mr. Cheney is suffering the same aphasia because, speaking of the same Amnesty report, he told the world "I think the fact of the matter is the United States has done more to advance the cause of freedom, has liberated more people from tyranny over the course of the 20th century and up to the present day than any other nation in the history of the world".

Apart from the fact that he forgot to mention the nation's recent sterling work in liberating underpants, he seems to be blind to certain facts of American history.

Firstly, the US only 'liberates' when it is in its own interests.

During the Second World War the US public was opposed to defending liberty in Europe, even when Britain was the last country standing. In fact, US companies happily went on doing business with Nazi Germany right up until Pearl Harbour. It was in this time that Coca Cola invented Fanta at the request of the Nazis who wanted their own Coca Cola-type drink.

A bit later in the Vientnam war, the US encouraged the rise to power of Pol Pot because they knew he would not tolerate Vietnamese bases in Cambodia. Pol Pot went on to murder two million Cambodians and drag the nation back to the stone age. When Pol Pot was finally kicked out of Cambodia by the Vietnamese army, the US upped their support and funded his organisation to the tune of 80 million dollars through the 1980s.

Then there was the CIA sponsored a coup in Chile that replaced a democratically elected government with a brutal military dictatorship. The elected president Salvador Allende was shot and killed, and during the reign of dictator General Pinochet thousands of people were wrongfully incarcerated or murdered by the government.

The US trains death squads and torturers on its own soil that have been active in Central and South America. El Salvador, anyone? Nicaragua? Honduras? Guatemala?

More recently the US has been courting President Karimov of Uzbekistan, a wannabe Stalinist who rules without elections or regard for human rights and who has a nasty habit of boiling alive his critics. In return the US gets the use of a big military base from which to project its power into oil and gas-rich Central Asia.

Then another time, the US, and Donald Rumsfeld in particular, had this big friend. What was his name? Osama bin Laden? No, he was a friend, but I am thinking of Saddam Hussein. You may remember him. While brutally oppressing his own people, the US and various European friends saw to it that he acquired deadly gases to use in his war against Iran. The US didn't like Iran, they wanted to see the country weakened. As it happened Saddam used the gases on civilian Kurds within his own borders.Thousands were killed, but the US didn't seem to mind too much and remained good friends until he invaded Kuwait.

I have here only scratched the surface of things the US has done and continues to do against the interests of democracy and stability and the rest of it.I could go on all night, but I think you have probably got the idea now.

So who has been liberated? Am I now struck by aphasia, or is there really no one to speak of?

June 1, 2005

The additional story
Old short story — Cats Die by Chris Page — newly added to PsiFi.

A father becomes infatuated with a bare-breasted schoolgirl and then has his life turned upside down in a manner that he didn't anticipate.

Click here to read.

May 15, 2005

New Poem: Underpants and Teeth
No relation to the Saddam story, but rather a meditation on life. And underpants.

Go on, read it here.

May 15, 2005

Raving Loony Party win UK election
In an unsurprising general election result a bunch of nutters have maintained control of the UK.

Faced with a choice between a bunch of warmongers, the Tories, who will steal from grannies, and a bunch of warmongers, New Labour, who will give grannies whole crumbs from their tables, the electorate held its collective nose and chose the latter.

There was one party claiming to not be warmongers, but they don't know what grannies are and lost by default.

See major yawns for full election details.

May 6, 2005

US must reform or die, says Rice
Condoleezza Rice has said the US cannot "survive as a vital force" if it does not reform.

Ms Rice told journalists at the UN that everyone recognised that some things in the US needed to be fixed.

She said John Bolton, a long-time critic of the US would help update, reform and strengthen it.

Her comments come as the US is embroiled in a scandal over its war-for-oil programme in Iraq and other places.

It has also been dogged by accusations of sexual abuse and torture committed by US soldiers.

UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan has accepted that change is urgently needed, and has proposed a series of sweeping reforms.
Speaking to the American Society of Newspaper Editors in Washington, Ms Rice said: "As important an institution as it is, one has to say that there are some things that are not so great about the United States right now.

It is no secret to anyone that the United States cannot survive as a vital force in international politics if it does not reform

Ms Rice said Mr Bolton, who has pledged to work to improve US accountability and has complained of hypocrisy and compulsive lying, was needed to help update and reform the government.

Mr Bolton has said that the US needs UN leadership to get it back on track, and that it should focus more on human rights violations and its own international state terrorism.

Ms Rice's remarks were one of the sharpest attacks to date on the US by a senior member of the Bush administration.

The US made billions of dollars from illegal oil wars, appropriating Iraq's infrastructure and giving all the reconstruction work to its own companies.

In a retort, the US government pointed to the unfolding oil-for-aid scandal but tensions were further heightened on Friday after the secretary-general suggested that the US and Britain may have closed their eyes to the oil smuggling.

Washington and London both deny any impropriety. But then both Washington and London said Iraq had WMD and was a threat.

April 16, 2005

Two old gits get married
A nation dies of sentimentality
Click here for story

April 2005

Pope dies
I don't know why people are so upset. They are just going to make a new one, innit.

April 2005

Wolfowitz made head of World Bank
Oh fuck.

Mar 23, 2005

Bush intervenes to save life of woman on feeding tube
As the US government voted for new legislation to replace the feeding tube of Mrs Terri Schiavo (read about it here) who is in a vegetative state, President Bush said, "In cases like this one, where there are serious questions and substantial doubts, our society, our laws, and our courts should have a presumption in favour of life."

Odd that the same views did not extend to the Afghan and Iraqi people killed in his onslaught to grab their resources. Perhaps this ethic only extends to individuals suffering brain damage and not to the able bodied.

Mar 21, 2005

Should Syria withdraw its 14,000 troops from Lebanon?
Yes. Just as soon as the US withdraws its 150,000 troops from Iraq. As soon as it withdraws from Afghanistan and the other sixty countries where it has troops. As soon as Israel pulls out of the occupied territories.

Mar 18, 2005

The gun is innocentImage copyright Chris Page
Yesterday's shooting incident at a Milwaukee hotel in which seven people died has prompted a statement from the National Shooting People Association, staunch advocates of gun ownership.

NSPA supremo Charlton Bullethead angrily denounced police reports of the shooting as biased and slanted.

"The gun did not kill anyone. A person killed the people. The gun has been set up."

Mr. Bullethead, speaking from a concrete bunker in an undisclosed location surrounded by trip wires and mines, went on to say that guns are completely safe. "I've had dozens of guns in my closet for years and not one has walked out and shot anyone."

He then went on to criticise the way the police were handling the case. "There is no proof that the perpetrator used a gun to shoot these people. This is irresponsible hearsay that comes only from the coincidence that the dead and injured had bullets in their bodies.

"We have a witness who was only a few hundreds of miles away at the time, who states clearly that he saw the killer inserting bullets into his victims with a spoon. We would like to see Mr. Bush's pinko-lefty government making laws to require background checks on spoon buyers, rather than harrassing innocent gun owners."

Stressing the compassionate nature of his organisation, Mr. Bullethead offered a hand of help in the crisis.

Mr. Bullethead

"We will take care of the gun. Obviously it is an innocent that has been caught up in these events and we can offer it a place in our special home for abused guns where it will be sheltered from psychopathic gun haters."

In a parallel statement Charles Eating-Utensil, who is chairman of the National Spoon Association, stated that if all the guests had been carrying spoons at the time, they would have been able to spoon bullets into the assailant before he did any damage.

George Bush, pinko-lefty president of the US, stated that if the hotel guests had followed his principles of pre-emption, they would have spooned the killer before he even got into the hotel.

March 13, 2005

Buckets of money
Well, it had to happen with a site this cool.


We are now getting so many visitors, that the time has come to consider going commercial. Hear that clinking, clanking, clunking sound? Yes, it is the sound of Psilocybe P Pook (No Relation) catching his balls in the cash register. If translated into English, the sound would say: "Sell out! Sell out! Sell out! Sell out!"

And quite right too. Where are Lord Pook's psi-principles?

Going commercial is going to mean, at some point, playing footsie with American businesses. How is His Ineluctableness the Supreme Pook going to reconcile that with his site's boycott America stance? If you can think of a way, please let us know.

Meantime, next time you drop in, bring your credit card.

Feb. 27, '05

PSIPOOK — the only site on the web not to link to The Onion

Buckets and Kazoos
Europeans are shipping thousands of buckets and kazoos ahead of George Bush's address to the Nato and national leaders there.

President Bush is expected to appeal for American-European unity over Iraq. The buckets and kazoos are being issued to everyone who is likely to hear him speak.

The buckets are to catch the torrents of vomit the President’s words are likely to unleash and the kazoos are to help provide a soundtrack when listeners are not chucking.

One big torrent-of-vomit moment is expected when Bush appeals for a united international approach to the challenge of Iraq.

Mr. Munchen Gladhosen of Berlin, Germany, expostulated at this reporter, "We had international unity ahead of the Iraq invasion. But Bush ignored it and invaded anyway. What the ficht is he on about now?"

Another major vomit-inducing moment will come when the Prez says that the US and Europe are history's natural axis for promoting freedom.

In France, M. Homme Dans-la-Rue expressed his scepticism.

" How free are the civilians killed by the US army? How free are the people in Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib and Bagram? How free are the people of Europe living under the threat of a terrorist counter attack? How free are the Iraqis who were denied the vote and whose nation is under occupation?"

The two biggest tsunamis of vomit came when Chirac and then Schroeder, formerly anti-war figures, now pro-war turncoats, appeared on stage sniffing Bush's bottom and wagging their tales.

Such was the avalanche of the pink, smelly stuff at this point, that whole cities succumbed to the deluge and many citizens lost both their grandmothers and kazoos.

At the end of the chunder fest, Europeans will likely use their surviving kazoos to pipe the President on to Air Force One with the Neocon anthem, otherwise known as the Loonytunes theme.

February 24, 2005

The revolution starts with a glass of sherry
Crusties fight for the right to massacre small, furry animals
The British government's attempt to outlaw traditional fox hunting makes a thoroughly embarrassing and depressing tale.

Firstly, with the ban going into effect on February 18th, hundreds of thousands are set break the law on the 19th at hunts arranged the length and breadth of the country.

These good people could be mobilising to force the government to do something real about global warming, or to protest our illegal occupation of Iraq; they could be lobbying the government to alleviate unfair third world debt or doing something to ensure that our government commit more funds to fighting AIDS in Africa; they could be mowing the lawns of infirm old folk or helping hedgehogs across the road. They could be doing something real and worthwhile.

No, they choose to mobilise to defend their perceived right to kill animals for fun.

Killing for fun is a right? OK, so why don't we bring back bear bating, cock and dog fighting and other cruel sports that have been banned in the past?

Moreover — and I am making an assumption here — I believe that these conservative rural folk who are often very vocal in issues of law and order, would be the first to condemn civil disobedience and violence — yet this is what they themselves are planning. There has been dark talk of civil unrest and we are reminded of the 'rivers of blood' comments made exactly three years ago. It would be very interesting to find out how they square this without coming off like screaming hypocrites.

The government are not coming off any better. They have a crafted legislation that is nigh on unenforceable because many of the rural police officers are, funnily enough, pro hunting and seem quite happy to put personal preference before duty and the law.

Worst of all, Blair and company while saving the lives of dumb animals at home are collaborating in the murder of innocent human beings in the illegal invasion and occupation of Iraq.

As for Psylocybe P Pook's position on hunting? He is all for it. He would love to see the pro-hunting conservatives and New Labourites chased over hill and dale by demented hounds until they saw sense, thus ridding the country of two kinds of pest in one go.
Feb 14, 2005

A televisual fairyland
The US media is disciplined by corporate America into promoting the Republican cause
by George Monbiot

Click here to read the story in the Guardian
Tuesday January 18, 2005

Fearful US TV networks censor more shows
The panic that is gripping American TV bosses facing a puritanical backlash or exorbitant government fines has today extended to a cartoon series and a BBC drama.
by Dominic Timms

Click here to read the story in the Guardian
Tuesday January 18, 2005

Q: How do you spell 'scapegoat'?
A: G-r-a-n-e-r

We know that Bush and Rummy signed the papers opting out of the Geneva conventions, but the small guy gets shit on to protect the bosses.

Graner's conviction is political: it protects the people that created the conditions and the policies that made abuse in US prisons a policy; it creates the illusion that the US military cares about legality and morality. Graner goes to prison for following orders, the US public gets righteous satisfaction, the myth that Abu Ghraib was an aberration is cemented, the injustice continues.

Jan. 16, 05

Join 19,620 Americans and sign this petition!

Senator Barbera Boxer is asking some hard questions and would like the support of all Americans who are concerned that Iraq was invaded on false pretences.

Click here for the full story.

Petition deadline: January 18

Jan. 16, 2005

Tsunami quote

That's the last natural disaster I'm participating in.

— Colleague and survivor of the Asian tsunami

Jan '05


"It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of what he was never reasoned into."    Jonathan Swift

I came across this quote at the head of the Iraqi blog Healing Iraq.
( It may well become humanity's epitaph but in the meantime it reminded me of a recent encounter with irrationality.

Hard as nails — when it's not his life on the line.

In the winter holidays I found myself in the UK at the dinner table with a certain old crusty, who shall for the purposes of this essay be known as Old Crusty.

Crusty well knows that he and I disagree on much and he likes to bait me. On this occasion he was pontificating about the Iraq war, of which he is an enthusiastic fan.

For the sake of family peace, I try to ignore his provocations, but on this night before Crimbo I did indulge myself a little by pointing out the hypocrisy of Blair and co. showing so much concern over the killing of foxes (i.e. in banning fox hunting) while happily playing accomplice to the slaughter of Iraqi children. Old Crusty in his best patronising tones told me, 'Children die every day, old boy.'

I was astonished into silence by the callousness and illogic of the remark. Yes, children die everyday of natural causes, starvation and the rest of it, but, Crusty dear, that does not justify shooting them, dropping HE and cluster bombs on them and is no cause to immolate them with napalm — all of which is basically what the US military is doing in Iraq and Afghanistan on a daily basis.

The thing is, Crusty's intellect is impaired by a need to believe. Some people believe in religion or fairies or an ideology. It gives meaning and structure when the imagination or the IQ is not up to scratch.
Crusty and any poor soul who operates on faith rather than reason will forever be condemned to filter what they see and hear to fit the belief, rather than the other way round, which is the basis of rationality.
In this case, Crusty has faith in matters martial and manly and conservative. In this creed (and I use that word carefully), war is noble and worthwhile and one of those hard choices in life like cold showers and putting bromide in your tea. He spends much of his free time absorbing books and films about WWI and WWII, and steeps himself in tales of derring do. It is a bit sad and pathetic really — heroism by proxy; he has never seen active service.

Concomitant to this is an unshakeable faith in the goodness and superiority of Britain and the US. The British Empire civilised the savage and America is fighting for freedom and democracy. Foreigners are handicapped by not being British or American.

Consequently, if war is noble and we are always right, we filter out facts that don't fit our world view and adjust morality to encompass what's left. Thus civilian deaths as a result of our actions are 'just one of life's harsh realities' like earthquakes and tsunami (or they don't happen at all — see Fox and CNN). Civilian deaths brought about by the actions of our enemies are murder.

Yet Crusty will never see the illogic of his position. He will forever be incapable of seeing that invading Afghanistan and Iraq was wrong because the justifications were built of lies that hid the true motivations, because to do so would be to shatter his whole belief system.

When pushed, the veneer of justification falls away: he eventually declared that we need oil so we should control it.

There! Killing foreign children to maintain our standard of living and pollution is fair and reasonable. Presumably because kids die every day. Got it?

So, why is it worth mentioning this one dinner table spat with this mad old gentleman?

Because it matters, that's why. Crusty cannot be dismissed, as many do, as a harmless old eccentric. Crusty has the vote. Crusty's enthusiasm for Western superiority through military might enables raw power to function. Moreover, Crusty is not alone. Crusty is atypical in the way that he manufactures his belief system with the mania of a religion, but too many people fall foul of the same bad thinking. Many, many people believe in their rightness first and cannot accept that we might be in the wrong, because such acceptance is too challenging about ourselves. Too many people accept myth in place of reason.

Here you are, fans of difficult choices: accept what is right, that we are wrong; or accept what is wrong, that we are right.

Old crusties die every day, so by crusty logic should we institute a cull?
Jan 9, 2005




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