Sun. Mar 3rd, 2024

Oh, how the mighty have fallen! Hard times indeed at the world’s favourite burger emporium: McDonald’s.

My wife today bringing the kids home from baseball practice stopped at the Heguri, Nara, McD’s to get them some dins.

I know, I hear you cry, how can you countenance such a thing? I don’t. So there.

She ordered cheeseburger for my son, but on getting home found that it was sans cheese. It was cheeseless. Not a blob of orange, reconstituted fermented curd in sight.

In terms of corporate irresponsibility, it probably isn’t up there with Minatomata or Bhopal or the hanging of Ken Saro Wiwa, or the appropriation of Iraq’s infrastructure by Halliburton, KRB, Bechtel and co., but there it was: a cheeseburger with no cheese.

What next? A Big Mac with no big?

Heguri being a 20-minute drive from here, and my wife being exhausted, there was no point in returning the non-cheeseburger. So, tonight, this almost cold and somewhat breezy night, a 14 year-old boy goes to bed with no cheese.

Wallace of Gromit must be tossing in his bed.

Can it be that the poor beleaguered staff had cheese driven from their minds by the whip cracks of their supervisors? Or has McDonald’s simply run out of cheese?

Or is it merely that the end of the world is nigh?

By chris page

Magazine editor, writer of fiction and non-fiction; exile; cat person; red wine for blood and cheese in his soul. Chris Page is the author of the novels Weed, Sanctioned, Another Perfect Day in ****ing Paradise, King of the Undies World, and The Underpants Tree. He is also a freelance journalist, copywriter, editor, cartoonist, illustrator, graphic designer, and consultant in the use and abuse of false moustaches (don’t wear them — you’re welcome — the invoice is in the mail).

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