Sat. Mar 2nd, 2024

A flight to the US was diverted in a security alert when crew realised one passenger was a man who used to play banjo.

Fighter jets escorted the plane from US airspace to Canada where it could blow up or do anything, because it was Canada not America.

A banjo as played by the banjo-playing passenger on the diverted flight

Frightened and bemused passengers and crew reported: “It was definitely a man that used to play the banjo. He had a beard and everything.”

A spokesman for the US Dept. of Homeland Insecurity, speaking on condition of anonymity because he did not know his own name, told reporters, “It was a really serious situation because he has a beard and he definitely used to play the banjo. If he had had the banjo with him at the time we would have had to shoot the plane down.

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US President George Bush commented, “That we had to divert this individual to Canada just shows how dangerous these ex-banjo players are. This shows the world how seriously they have to take us. Now just watch me pee straight.”

Supplemental, 2023: in the interest of historical whatever, the UK to Washington flight was actually diverted to Maine, where Mr Cat Stevens was removed from the flight and sent back to the UK. Not sure where Canada came from, but this is satire, not news so deal with it.

By chris page

Magazine editor, writer of fiction and non-fiction; exile; cat person; red wine for blood and cheese in his soul. Chris Page is the author of the novels Weed, Sanctioned, Another Perfect Day in ****ing Paradise, King of the Undies World, and The Underpants Tree. He is also a freelance journalist, copywriter, editor, cartoonist, illustrator, graphic designer, and consultant in the use and abuse of false moustaches (don’t wear them — you’re welcome — the invoice is in the mail).

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