Sun. Mar 3rd, 2024

A documentary has stunned America by establishing beyond any reasonable doubt that Jesus, the son of God, was in fact a penguin.

“It is very clear that the Lord stood on two legs as a penguin does,” said the reverend Fred Fish of Tuxedo, Tennessee, after seeing the film.

“Christ had two arms, just as the penguin has two flippers. Penguins swim in water, and Christ walked on it. Penguins choose a mate for just one year, and then find another, just as most Americans do. Christmas is white and snowy, just like Antarctica. And penguins lay eggs, which give us Easter.”

Theologians around the world are scrambling to revise the Holy Trinity, which now goes, “God the Father, God the Son, God the Cute Little Penguin.”

The animation Pingu will now be shown in all public schools in place of science classes.

The penguin documentary comes to us from France, a nation that opposed the war in Iraq.

(For penguin-on-penguin sex video, and kinky man-on-penguin photo, click here)

(Read a rather good poem about God by Evan Hay — but don’t click here until we’ve posted the poem where you can find it.)

By chris page

Magazine editor, writer of fiction and non-fiction; exile; cat person; red wine for blood and cheese in his soul. Chris Page is the author of the novels Weed, Sanctioned, Another Perfect Day in ****ing Paradise, King of the Undies World, and The Underpants Tree. He is also a freelance journalist, copywriter, editor, cartoonist, illustrator, graphic designer, and consultant in the use and abuse of false moustaches (don’t wear them — you’re welcome — the invoice is in the mail).

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