Sun. Jul 14th, 2024

Children everywhere are celebrating the capture by the whole US army of the Bogey Man. 

He was found hiding in a hole in the ground, probably ready to spring out on some unsuspecting child to shower him with maggots.

The children are happy that there will be no more monsters under beds or in closets, no one to steal them if they are bad, and no one to eat them if they don’t finish their homework.

The Bogey Man stands accused of many heinous crimes, including terrorising everyone, inventing spinach, making maths difficult and boring, telling on kids when they done bad, and turning the TV off at nine on the dot. He has also been linked to rainy weekends, losing toys, global warming and lumpy porridge.

His biggest crime, however, was hiding huge amounts of oil under the ground where the free market couldn’t get it.

Counting the Bogeyman’s bogies
He wanted to negotiate

Supplemental: Just when you think that the depths of stupidity have finally been plumbed:

Thanks to Colin Doyle for pointing this out.

By chris page

Magazine editor, writer of fiction and non-fiction; exile; cat person; red wine for blood and cheese in his soul. Chris Page is the author of the novels Weed, Sanctioned, Another Perfect Day in ****ing Paradise, King of the Undies World, and The Underpants Tree. He is also a freelance journalist, copywriter, editor, cartoonist, illustrator, graphic designer, and consultant in the use and abuse of false moustaches (don’t wear them — you’re welcome — the invoice is in the mail).

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